THE OTHER DAY I SAW THE MOVIE “ALICE IN WONDERLAND”…I HAVE ALWAYS LIKED THE STORY, BUT I NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD IT…I NOW UNDERSTAND.
IT IS BECAUSE I HAVE TAKEN THAT SAME TRIP…YEP, I TOO FELL INTO A HOLE…ALICE FELL INTO A HOLE AND ENCOUNTERED A DIFFERENT WORLD THAN THE ONE SHE WAS USE TO…NOTHING WAS THE SAME FOR HER…UP WAS DOWN…CLOSE WAS FAR AWAY…NOTHING SHE ENCOUNTERED WAS FAMILIAR …BUT IN THE END SHE LEARNED HER LESSONS…LEARNED WHO SHE REALLY WAS AND WAS ABLE TO RETURN TO HER OLD LIFE A NEW PERSON…ON THANKSGIVING DAY 1995 I TOO FELL INTO MY HOLE AND I REMEMBER IT AS THOUGH IT WAS YESTERDAY…I COULD LITTERALLY FEEL MYSELF DECENDING INTO A DEEP DEPRESSION…IT WAS A NEW EXPERIENCE FOR ME AS I HAD NEVER EXPERIENCED DEPRESSION BEFORE…AND IT FELT AS THOUGH I WAS REALLY FALLING INTO A DEEP HOLE…FOR THE PAST 15 YEARS I HAVE BEEN IN MY OWN WONDERLAND…A WORLD WHERE I HAD EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I WAS TAKEN AWAY FROM ME..I WAS STRIPPED…NAKED…EXPOSED…ALL THE PROTECTION I HAD BUILT IN MY PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL WORLD WAS TAKEN AND I WAS LEFT WITH JUST ME!!……A WORLD WHERE UP WAS DOWN…….WHERE NOTHING MADE SENSE TO ME…. A WORLD WHERE NOTHING FIT AS IT USE TO …….AND A WORLD WHERE I BECAME LOST AS I COULD NO LONGER CONTROL ANYTHING…I WAS LIVING THE ALICE IN WONDERLAND STORY…….AND LIKE ALICE I WANTED OUT…….I WANTED OUT IMMEDIATELY……I HATED THE NEW PLACE……….I WAS CONFUSED AT FIRST……THEN I THOUGHT I WAS BEING PUNISHED FOR SOMETHING I HAD DONE WRONG……BAD KARMA WAS KICKING MY ASS……FINALLY, I BECAME ANGRY…I REMEMBER YELLING “I DIDN’T DESERVE THIS!!!!”…EVERYTHING I TRIED TO ESCAPE DIDN’T WORK …AND ACTUALLY, IT MADE THINGS WORSE….OVER THE YEARS I HAD MY TIMES OF JOY…..MY TIME OF PEACE……AND EVEN MY TIMES OF GREAT LOVE…BUT I KNEW I WAS STILL IN THE HOLE…I WAS STILL IN WONDERLAND…….AND I BEGAN TO WONDER IF I WAS PERMANTLY PLACED INTO THIS NEW WORLD……..WOULD I EVER GET OUT?….THERE WERE TIMES I THOUGHT NOT!….I CURSED MY TRIP INTO WONDERLAND…..I CURSED MY LIFE…..AND I CURSED MY HIGHER POWER…….FINALLY..FINALLY……I MEAN FINALLY I SURRENDERED TO IT……I COULD DO NOTHING EXCEPT MAKE MYSELF MISERABLE …SURRENDER WAS THE ONLY OPTION LEFT….AND BELIEVE ME I HAD TRIED THEM ALL…..ONCE SURRENDER BECAME SEMI-COMFORTABLE I HAD A WONDERFUL INSIGHT……..THIS WAS NOT A CURSE………THIS WAS ACTUALLY A BLESSING…MY HIGHER POWER ACTUALLY KIND OF KNOWS MORE THAN ME……THE MORE I MEDIATATED ON THAT LITTLE BIT OF WISDOM THE MORE COMFORTABLE I BECAME …….AND FINALLY IT HIT ME……..I WAS SITTING IN THE YARD WHEN I SAW A CATERPILLER CRAWLING ON THE GROUND………IT WAS JUST GOING ALONG NOT BOTHERING ANYTHING OR ANYBODY…AND I THOUGHT ’OH SHIT BUDDY…YOU ARE IN FOR A REAL TRIP…IF YOU ONLY KNEW WHAT AS WAITING FOR YOU…..A COCOON……A TRANSFORMATION…AND FINALLY A SET OF WINGS”……..AND THEN I KNEW……..I WAS THE CATERPILLER!!!………I TOO WAS CRAWLNG ALONG MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS WHEN I GOT HIT WITH MY HOLE (COCOON)…….AND I HAVE SPENT THE PAST 15 YEARS LEARNING MY LIFES LESSONS…..AND AS I LEARNED I EVER SO SLOWLY BEGAN MY TRANSORMATION….I WAS CHANGING…..I WAS EVOLVING INTO THE BUTTERFLY I WAS CREATED TO BECOME..I TOOK SOME TIME TO REMEMBER MY LIFE 15 YEARS AGO……AND I HARDLY KNEW MYSELF…WOW….WHAT I WENT INTO SCREAMING AND HOLLERING TURNED OUT TO BE THE GREATEST THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ME…SO WHAT DO I DO NOW?……..WHO KNOWS?……BUT YOU MUST EXCUSE ME AS I HAVE A NEW PAIR OF WINGS TO TRY OUT!….SKYWALKER