A righteous journey usually starts with a meltdown……a meltdown that hurts like hell…..a meltdown that touches your very existence……some call it the dark night of the soul…….whatever you want to call it……It sucks!……..It hurts!…….It leaves you dazed, confused, and covered with anguish……….you know it when it hits……and so does everyone around you……they sense it in you…….and they know you are beginning your righteous journey…..your trip into Alice in wonderland existence where up is down…….down is up……..right is left…….safe is scary……and everything you thought you knew is somehow eliminated……..a place where you are a stranger…….where your demons come to great you and play with you at will……..where life has no meaning……..and where it is a struggle to get to the next minute………It is even a struggle to convince yourself that you even want to get to the next minute………It is a place where your pain and anguish color everything with a black and gray tint……..at first I tried to convince myself that I could ‘think’ my way out of this place……..change my thoughts change my world is what I told myself……..I wanted out so desperately …….and why?……that is simple ……..I didn’t want to feel the unbearable pain……..sorrow…and grief……..but it became very clear to me early on that I was not going to tap dance my way out of this place with my ‘happy thoughts’………I continued on in this place, unable to leave, and unable to control anything……I was powerless……..totally vulnerable to whatever wanted to come my way……vulnerable to my own demons………I soon realized that the harder I tried to leave this place the worse it got..It was like putting on chinese handcuffs…my only semi-relief was to surrender…and even that was short lived………….I kept praying that I would be freed from this pain………I begged……..I pleaded….I made deals……..but my prayers felt on deaf ears…….or so I thought…..I soon began to think that this was a punishment for my past actions….. I was to begin this punishment for whatever bad karma I had gathered…….so again I got down on my knees and prayed for forgiveness and begged to be released from this prison………and once again my prayers went unanswered………or so I thought……..days turned into weeks…weeks turned into months….and months turned into years……….soon though my sorrow turned into anger…….anger at the freak who invented this pile of shit trip……..anger at what had happened to me to trigger my pain…….and my anger allowed me to be the victim…..this eased my pain for a very short time…….then I realized that nothing I could do would ease this pain and get me back to my ‘life’…..then one night while I was up unable to sleep, which happened quite often, something told me to just sit with my pain, to stop trying to push it way……….so I began a long period of time imaging that I had an old folding yard chair and I would just sit there with my pain…often the pain would talk to me…..yell at me……..trying the whole time to get me to react to it………but I just sat there……….didn’t talk back…………didn’t ignore it……..didn’t do a thing except sit……….eventually I got to where I would outlast my demons and they would leave for awhile………they would return, but I felt good for a short time…..then one night as I was just sitting in my lawn chair it came to me…….this was not a punishment……this was not even a ‘bad and terrible’ thing………..It was terribly painful experience, but maybe, just maybe it was a righteous journey into myself……..maybe it was to help me grow….to go beyond what I thought I was and what I could do………maybe the event that triggered my entering this journey was a call from the universe that I was ready to grow…..to go beyond who I was at the time to become a stronger spirit and person……..who knows?………..to this day I tear up when I hear of others who have also gone through this journey or who are now still in this journey…….for I know the pain that they have felt or are now feeling……..and I want to help………but you see, I think this is a journey that they have to face alone……there are no 10 steps of things to do on this journey, for each persons lessons are different…….and each persons way is different on what they need to do in this journey……….for we are all deaf, dumb, and blind on this journey and only we can know what we need to do………….each person’s path on this journey takes a different amount of time…each person’s path is loaded with its own demons, lessons, and comforts……..and only they can work that out…..I can only send them my love………..my warmth……..my desire that they find what they need to find and come out on the other side of this journey to claim their gift………..as I am convinced that everyone that goes through this journey has a wonderful gift waiting for them ………like the caterpillar who enters its cocoon and when that journey is over is transformed into a butterfly with its gift of a new set of wings, we who complete our journey are given our gift and set free……..set free to realize that this was our righteous journey!
Self doubts suck……there is no way around it!!!……and I don’t care who you are, rich/poor, old/young, wise/dumb or even dumber they will come around to check you out……to see what is really going on in that mind of yours…….the past week they have taken up residence in my mind…..pitched a tent…set up shop……and had a full blown self doubt party in my mind……at first I thought that they were just stopping in for a quick visit….i was tired so once I got some sleep and rest they would leave……wrong!……so I started doing everything that Dr. Glen Walter, the Ta Da guy, and supreme commander tells people to do in his inspirational workshops…….guess what?……nothing worked!!!……those self doubts kept munching away at my self confidence…..self doubts suck!!!……by the way, that would make a great bumper sticker!……..so I did the only thing left to do……..I said, “screw it…you guys are here so just make yourself at home and knock yourself out….I will just remind myself who I am and who I was created to be”…..I will just continue to carry on my daily routine with self doubt construction going on in my mind and remember every so often that I was created by divine light to be light……and to share my light with others……we are all here to share our light and love to brighten the way for our fellow ’self doubters’ who for whatever reason have forgotten or covered up their own light………so I quit trying to get rid of those sucky self doubts……I quit trying to beat them….to overpower them…….or to trick them into leaving…..I just quietly tried to remember the truth of who I am…….the truth of what I was created to do……and the truth of how we all need to use our light to brighten others’ paths and to use the light of others to brighten our own path……..so thanks self doubt for reminding me of that ………but guys, self doubt still sucks!!!
Relax –This is a perfectly safe journey……….
Smile as though you mean it as it
Will bring a sparkle to your eyes……….
Laugh a lot – cry when necessary……….
Whistle your favorite song……….
Hug a tree……….
Dream your dreams – then smile……….
Pick up someone else’s trash……….
Giggle with children……….
Write a poem to another person……….
Bless everyone and everything……….
Sing to yourself, to a plant, to your dog,
And make it loud……….
Instead of having a pity party,
Clown a hospital……….
Read fairy tales……….
Count your blessings, not your money……….
Relax – You are in good hands……….
Forgive yourself, and then everyone else……….
Face your monsters by sitting in silence
With them, then wink at them……….
Follow your hearts song, and then sing along……..
Sit on your roof and blow bubbles……….
Wear something silly to work……….
Become clueless……….
Believe in miracles and then surrender……….
Give advice only to your goldfish……….
Fix your toaster, not people……….
Smile to everyone in a traffic jam……….
Give your ego a long vacation……….
Occasionally color outside the lines
Of your coloring book and your life……….
Play at everything……….
Look for angels……….
Believe in abundance……….
Give money away, especially to children……….
Have a food fight……….
Relax – Trust the universe for all is well
And under control, not yours, but by The One
Who is much more wise than you……….
And who placed you in this State of Wonderment!
FOR WHATEVER REASON I CALL MY HIGHER POWER ANNIE….WHY?…WHO KNOWS…I JUST LIKE THE NAME AND I DON’T THINK MY HIGHER POWER MINDS WHAT I CALL IT-HER-HIM OR WHATEVER…….SO SEVERAL YEARS AGO I STARTED THE ANNIE THING AND I FEEL REALLY COMFORTABLE WITH IT…..YOU CAN CALL YOUR HIGHER POWER WHATEVER YOU WANT…..AS I COULD CARE LESS ………ANYWAY…..ANNIE AND I HAVE THIS NICE THING GOING ON…..I TALK….ANNIE TALKS……I LISTEN……ANNIE LISTENS…I LAUGH ……ANNIE LAUGHS……SEVERAL MONTHS AGO I GOT MY MARCHING ORDERS TO ’JUST STAND TALL AND WAIT’……….SOUNDS SIMPLE…AND AT FIRST I THOUGHT THAT I CAN DO THIS NO SWEAT!………WHAT’S SO HARD ABOUT JUST STANDING TALL AND WAITING?………IT HAS GONE ON FOR ABOUT 6 MONTHS NOW AND I AM ABOUT TO LOSE MY MIND…..I HAVE DISCOVERED WHAT A CONTROL FREAK I AM…..I HAVE SPENT A LIFETIME TRYING TO ‘MAKE THINGS’ HAPPEN……..SOMETIMES THEY DID AND SOMETIMES THEY DIDN’T……AND WHEN THEY DIDN’T I WOULD GET FRUSTRATED AND TRY HARDER…….I WOULD PUSH, SHOVE, GRUNT, STRAIN, AND GENERALLY PUT MAXIMUM EFFORT INTO LIFE TO MAKE SURE THAT ‘MY’ WILL BE DONE…….ABOUT 3 MONTHS INTO THIS SIMPLE REQUEST FROM ANNIE I REALIZED I WAS LIKE A JUNKIE WHO HAD TO LEAVE HIS DRUG OF CHOICE BEHIND……I HAVE DONE WHAT ANNIE REQUESTED AND STOPPED THE PHYSICAL EFFORTS OF ‘MY WILL BE DONE’…BUT THE LAST SEVERAL MONTHS I HAVE REALIZED THAT I HAVE CONTINUED THE MENTAL PRACTICE OF ‘MY WILL BE DONE’ BY THE THINKING THAT IF ONLY I COULD ACT I COULD TO THIS, AND THIS, AND THIS, AND THIS……ETC….I WOULD MENTALLY MOVE MY WORLD AROUND TO HAVE IT FIT ‘MY WILL’………..I WAS GETTING MY ‘CONTROL FIX’ MENTALLY……..SO SEVERAL WEEKS AGO I HAVE BEGUN TRYING TO EVEN LET THE MENTAL ASPECT OF ‘MY WILL BE DONE’ GO ……….AND SIMPLY JUST STALL AND WAIT…..THIS MY FRIENDS HAS BEEN A REAL STRAIN………SUCH A SIMPLE REQUEST BY ANNIE HAS TURNED INTO ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS I HAVE EVER TRIED TO DO….NOTICE I SAID ‘TRIED’ TO DO?…….I CAN’T SAY I HAVE DONE IT YET…BUT I WILL CONTINUE TO ATTEMPT TO JUST STAND TALL AND WAIT……..LAST NIGHT I REALIZED THAT I HAVE HAD TO PUT ALL MY EGGS INTO ANNIE’S BASKET……I NO LONGER CAN COLLECT MY EGGS AND PUT THEM INTO MY OWN BASKET AND ADMIRE WHAT ‘I ‘ HAVE DONE!!!……..MY BASKET IS EMPTY…..COMPLETELY EMPTY……AND THAT SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME…….WHAT IF I HAVE NO MORE EGGS PUT INTO MY BASKET?…….WHAT IF I AM ALONE THE REST OF MY LIFE? WHAT IF I DON’T GET ANY MORE WORKSHOPS? WHAT IF I DON’T GET MY POEMS PUBLISHED? WHAT IF I DON’T LOSE THIS WEIGHT? WHAT IF? WHAT IF? WHAT IF?….I FIND MYSELF ‘WHAT IFF-ING’ ALL THE FRIGGEN TIME….LAST NIGHT AS I WAS ABOUT TO SLEEP ANNIE ASKED ME IF I TRUST IN A HIGHER POWER MORE THAN ME? SHE ASKED ME IF I BELIEVED THAT MY HIGHER POWER HAS ONLY MY BEST INTEREST AT HEART AND LOVES ME MORE THAN I WILL EVER UNDERSTAND? I HAD TO BE HONEST AND SAY “WELL ANNIE….I MUST, AS I AM DOING WHAT YOU HAVE ASKED ME TO DO…BUT I AM SCARED! REALLY SCARED!……ANNIE LAUGHED……..THEN SHE SAID ‘RELAX SKYWALKER AS I HAVE YOU SURROUNDED WITH MY LIGHT, LOVE, AND GIGGLES”…..I SAID ‘THANKS ANNIE, BUT MY BASKET IS EMPTY!”…….ANNIE GIGGLED AGAIN AND SAID ‘LOOK AGAIN SKYWALKER’…….AND BEFORE I WENT OFF TO SLEEP I HEARD ANNIE WHISPER ‘HEY SKYWALKER, WATCH THIS!!!!!”…………..SKYWALKER
THE OTHER DAY I SAW THE MOVIE “ALICE IN WONDERLAND”…I HAVE ALWAYS LIKED THE STORY, BUT I NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD IT…I NOW UNDERSTAND.
IT IS BECAUSE I HAVE TAKEN THAT SAME TRIP…YEP, I TOO FELL INTO A HOLE…ALICE FELL INTO A HOLE AND ENCOUNTERED A DIFFERENT WORLD THAN THE ONE SHE WAS USE TO…NOTHING WAS THE SAME FOR HER…UP WAS DOWN…CLOSE WAS FAR AWAY…NOTHING SHE ENCOUNTERED WAS FAMILIAR …BUT IN THE END SHE LEARNED HER LESSONS…LEARNED WHO SHE REALLY WAS AND WAS ABLE TO RETURN TO HER OLD LIFE A NEW PERSON…ON THANKSGIVING DAY 1995 I TOO FELL INTO MY HOLE AND I REMEMBER IT AS THOUGH IT WAS YESTERDAY…I COULD LITTERALLY FEEL MYSELF DECENDING INTO A DEEP DEPRESSION…IT WAS A NEW EXPERIENCE FOR ME AS I HAD NEVER EXPERIENCED DEPRESSION BEFORE…AND IT FELT AS THOUGH I WAS REALLY FALLING INTO A DEEP HOLE…FOR THE PAST 15 YEARS I HAVE BEEN IN MY OWN WONDERLAND…A WORLD WHERE I HAD EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I WAS TAKEN AWAY FROM ME..I WAS STRIPPED…NAKED…EXPOSED…ALL THE PROTECTION I HAD BUILT IN MY PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL WORLD WAS TAKEN AND I WAS LEFT WITH JUST ME!!……A WORLD WHERE UP WAS DOWN…….WHERE NOTHING MADE SENSE TO ME…. A WORLD WHERE NOTHING FIT AS IT USE TO …….AND A WORLD WHERE I BECAME LOST AS I COULD NO LONGER CONTROL ANYTHING…I WAS LIVING THE ALICE IN WONDERLAND STORY…….AND LIKE ALICE I WANTED OUT…….I WANTED OUT IMMEDIATELY……I HATED THE NEW PLACE……….I WAS CONFUSED AT FIRST……THEN I THOUGHT I WAS BEING PUNISHED FOR SOMETHING I HAD DONE WRONG……BAD KARMA WAS KICKING MY ASS……FINALLY, I BECAME ANGRY…I REMEMBER YELLING “I DIDN’T DESERVE THIS!!!!”…EVERYTHING I TRIED TO ESCAPE DIDN’T WORK …AND ACTUALLY, IT MADE THINGS WORSE….OVER THE YEARS I HAD MY TIMES OF JOY…..MY TIME OF PEACE……AND EVEN MY TIMES OF GREAT LOVE…BUT I KNEW I WAS STILL IN THE HOLE…I WAS STILL IN WONDERLAND…….AND I BEGAN TO WONDER IF I WAS PERMANTLY PLACED INTO THIS NEW WORLD……..WOULD I EVER GET OUT?….THERE WERE TIMES I THOUGHT NOT!….I CURSED MY TRIP INTO WONDERLAND…..I CURSED MY LIFE…..AND I CURSED MY HIGHER POWER…….FINALLY..FINALLY……I MEAN FINALLY I SURRENDERED TO IT……I COULD DO NOTHING EXCEPT MAKE MYSELF MISERABLE …SURRENDER WAS THE ONLY OPTION LEFT….AND BELIEVE ME I HAD TRIED THEM ALL…..ONCE SURRENDER BECAME SEMI-COMFORTABLE I HAD A WONDERFUL INSIGHT……..THIS WAS NOT A CURSE………THIS WAS ACTUALLY A BLESSING…MY HIGHER POWER ACTUALLY KIND OF KNOWS MORE THAN ME……THE MORE I MEDIATATED ON THAT LITTLE BIT OF WISDOM THE MORE COMFORTABLE I BECAME …….AND FINALLY IT HIT ME……..I WAS SITTING IN THE YARD WHEN I SAW A CATERPILLER CRAWLING ON THE GROUND………IT WAS JUST GOING ALONG NOT BOTHERING ANYTHING OR ANYBODY…AND I THOUGHT ’OH SHIT BUDDY…YOU ARE IN FOR A REAL TRIP…IF YOU ONLY KNEW WHAT AS WAITING FOR YOU…..A COCOON……A TRANSFORMATION…AND FINALLY A SET OF WINGS”……..AND THEN I KNEW……..I WAS THE CATERPILLER!!!………I TOO WAS CRAWLNG ALONG MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS WHEN I GOT HIT WITH MY HOLE (COCOON)…….AND I HAVE SPENT THE PAST 15 YEARS LEARNING MY LIFES LESSONS…..AND AS I LEARNED I EVER SO SLOWLY BEGAN MY TRANSORMATION….I WAS CHANGING…..I WAS EVOLVING INTO THE BUTTERFLY I WAS CREATED TO BECOME..I TOOK SOME TIME TO REMEMBER MY LIFE 15 YEARS AGO……AND I HARDLY KNEW MYSELF…WOW….WHAT I WENT INTO SCREAMING AND HOLLERING TURNED OUT TO BE THE GREATEST THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ME…SO WHAT DO I DO NOW?……..WHO KNOWS?……BUT YOU MUST EXCUSE ME AS I HAVE A NEW PAIR OF WINGS TO TRY OUT!….SKYWALKER
Do you believe in risking all for love
For your dreams
For the joy of being alive?
And should you happen to lose it all,
Can you still believe in yourself, in your dreams,
And the joy that can still be yours!
Do you believe in forgiving yourself and others?
And that there are really no villains or victims
In relationships or life,
There is just you and me learning our lessons!
Do you believe that in every adversity
There is a gift?
And that just as many lessons are learned in
“pain” as there are in “joy”
Maybe more!
Do you believe that courage comes with the human package,
And that we all have as much as we need?
And that courage allows us to sit peacefully and contented
In the middle of the hurricanes in our lives?
Do you believe in the power of play and laughter?
And that both heal us and connect us to each other\and then leads us to a higher road
On the journey we call life!
Do you believe in the act of surrendering
To a higher power?
And that the act of surrendering to this power
Actually frees us to become the
Magnificent beings that we were created to be!
Do you believe in working with and not controlling
Other people, events, and the journey of your life?
And that this is a perfectly safe journey
And much more peaceful once
We let go and cooperate with life!
Do you believe that true contentment can only
Be found within ones self- and that only illusions
Of contentment come from outside
Of one’s self?
And that contented people take time to appreciate and are
Amazed by the wonder and beauty of nature!
And that contented people take time to appreciate and are
Amazed by the wonder and beauty of nature!
And that contended say “wow” a lot!
Do you believe that the dance of your life is directly
Correlated to the dance that
You have with yourself?
And that by dancing with yourself and
Your life you actually influence your own destiny!
Do you believe in magic?
The magic of life?
And that this magic begins with you
And then continues outward from you
To the entire planet-
Yes, even to the entire universe!
Each day is a new beginning……….
Each day starts fresh……….
Each day is your friend as it offers you opportunities to grow……….
To love and be loved……….
Each day surrounds you with interesting choices……….
Each day is the same……….
when you make the same choices……….
Each day is different……….
when you make different choices……….
Each day can surprise you……….
If you are looking for surprises
and sometimes even when you aren’t……….
Each day is exactly the same length……….
Some just seem shorter or longer……….
Each day just offers……….
You are the choice maker……….
Each day is just the canvas……….
You are the painter……….
Don’t get that confused……….
That makes you magic……….
Each day is just the gift……….
You are the one who accepts or rejects the gift……….
The one who sees it as a wonderful gift or a lousy gift……….
Your choice………always……….
Each day gives you life……….
What you do with it is up to you……….
Each day does not have the magic……….you do!!!
Each day does not have the power……….you do!!!
Each day just offers……….
You create what to do with it!!!……….
Dance with the joy of who you are.
Dance with the love that is all around you.
Dance with the love that is within you.
Dance with children and old people.
Dance with your guardian angel.
Dance with your successes and
Dance with your failures.
Dance with your dreams.
Dance with the stars above and
Dance with the beach below.
Dance with the present moment.
Dance with your monsters.
Dance with your gifts and
Dance with your shortcomings-they are both blessings.
Dance with your dog.
Dance with your friends and
Dance with your enemies.
Dance with your daily bread.
Dance with your own unique music that originates from
Your heart and then
Dance with the freedom that your music brings to your soul.
Dance with your Creator and Higher Power.
Dance with yourself.
Finally,
Dance with your own magnificence!
So Dance!!!
THE COURAGE AND WISDOM TO……..
SOMETIMES IT TAKES COURAGE TO QUIT SOMETHING… SOMETIMES IT TAKES COURAGE TO KEEP GOING… SOMETIMES IT TAKES COURAGE TO SPEAK UP…SOMETIMES IT TAKES COURAGE TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT…SOMETIMES IT TAKES COURAGE TO GIVE A HELPING HAND…SOMETIMES IT TAKES COURAGE TO LET SOMEONE FAIL……SOMETIMES IT TAKES COURAGE TO GO FOR YOUR DREAMS…SOMETIMES IT TAKES COURAGE TO GIVE UP AND LET THE UNIVERSE TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR DREAMS……EACH OF US IS UNIQUE…….EACH OF US HAS OUR OWN LESSONS TO LEARN.. NO TWO OF US HAS THE EXACT SAME LESSONS TO LEARN OR GUIDELINES ON HOW TO LEARN THEM….. THAT IS WHERE WISDOM COMES INTO PLAY………AND TO BE HONEST SOMETIMES IT TAKES COURAGE TO FOLLOW THROUGH ON WHAT WISDOM IS TELLING US TO DO……..ESPECIALLY IF IT MAKES NO SENSE TO US….. IF YOU ARE WONDERING WHAT TO DO…IF YOU ARE WONDERING WHAT NOT TO DO……GIVE EGO AND MIND A LONG VACATION…AND TALK TO YOUR WISDOM INSTEAD…….MOST OF US ARE EAGER TO LISTEN TO EGO AND MIND…IT MAKES THE MOST SENSE TO US AND OFTEN FELLS THE BEST…BUT STILL YOUR MIND…AND ASK TO TALK TO THE WISDOM THAT IS INSIDE OF YOU……IT CAME WITH YOU ON THIS JOURNEY SO WHY NOT CALL ON IT TO BE YOUR GUIDE?……..WE NEED BOTH ON THIS JOURNEY….WE CAN HAVE BUCKET LOADS OF COURAGE, BUT WITHOUT WISDOM TO GUIDE US WE WILL CERTAINLY GET INTERESTING RESULTS…..BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT!….FOR ME RIGHT NOW WISDOM IS TELLING ME TO DO NOTHING…….AND DOING NOTHING IS THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER HAD TO DO…BUT WISDOM INSISTS THAT I WHAT I NEED TO DO AT THIS TIME…….SO I WILL GO AGAINST MY ‘DOING’ NATURE AND LISTEN TO MY WISDOM…….WHAT IS WISDOM TELLING YOU TO DO NOW?…
I AM BETTING ON THE FACT THAT MY WISDOM KNOWS MORE THAN MY EGO DOES…….I WOULD BET YOURS DOES TOO!
The last few nights I have been waking up at 4am and, interestingly enough, feeling sorry for myself…knowing that I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep anytime soon I headed to my computer and began playing free cell…..a mindless game that usually puts me to sleep within a few minutes……as I play the computer game I try to sort out my thoughts and see what I have been unconsciously munching on……tonight it hit me that I have been having my very own ‘pity party’ the last few nights……the good ole pity party…..what fun!!!………a pity party for those of you who don’t know are lovely parties where we get to feel sorry for ourselves……we focus on what we DON’T have…..we focus on what MIGHT have been…and then we focus on feeling sorry for ourselves….the past few nights I have gotten up at 4am to have my very own pity party……my mind races on wonderful thoughts of…WHY ME?……OR IF ONLY I HAVE……OR IF ONLY I WOULD HAVE DONE……..OR I WHY CAN’T I BE MORE……..great thoughts that create misery and keep me stuck there…..yep, I have been having good ole skywalker pity parties the past few nights…….for those of you who know me know that I am pretty good at partying…always have been……..but the pity party is a relatively new kind of party for me…..feeling sorry for myself is something that I just started doing the past few years……..and to be honest it is one party that I don’t enjoy!!… I asked myself, what am I going to do about it? (pretty important question I think as it allows me the power to know that I can do something about it rather than feel powerless over my very own thoughts – I created these thoughts so I certainly have the power to change them) …… I have decided to play at my pity party…….yep, I began playing with these thoughts of lack……I played the game “poor me!”………I have the same pity party thoughts and added poor me after each one……..I really hammed it up too……and I made my pity party a melodrama!…….like a bad actor I over played my thoughts until I saw how silly they were…….then I replaced those thoughts of ‘lack’ or ‘pity’ with thoughts of gratitude…I sat in front of my computer and gave thanks for what I DID have…….and I might add, it was a pretty long list of things that I have been given and am grateful for……by the end of the activity I actually felt better……so when I get those pity party thoughts again, and I will, I can count on that…….I will do my best to keep my pity party short……I will do my best to enjoy it rather than fear it……..and I will do my best to have a little dance at the end of my party with the knowledge that I have the power to create my thoughts and the power to change my thoughts……….and that thought gives me my ‘happy feet’ back again!……..skywalker