FOR WHATEVER REASON I CALL MY HIGHER POWER ANNIE….WHY?…WHO KNOWS…I JUST LIKE THE NAME AND I DON’T THINK MY HIGHER POWER MINDS WHAT I CALL IT-HER-HIM OR WHATEVER…….SO SEVERAL YEARS AGO I STARTED THE ANNIE THING AND I FEEL REALLY COMFORTABLE WITH IT…..YOU CAN CALL YOUR HIGHER POWER WHATEVER YOU WANT…..AS I COULD CARE LESS ………ANYWAY…..ANNIE AND I HAVE THIS NICE THING GOING ON…..I TALK….ANNIE TALKS……I LISTEN……ANNIE LISTENS…I LAUGH ……ANNIE LAUGHS……SEVERAL MONTHS AGO I GOT MY MARCHING ORDERS TO ’JUST STAND TALL AND WAIT’……….SOUNDS SIMPLE…AND AT FIRST I THOUGHT THAT I CAN DO THIS NO SWEAT!………WHAT’S SO HARD ABOUT JUST STANDING TALL AND WAITING?………IT HAS GONE ON FOR ABOUT 6 MONTHS NOW AND I AM ABOUT TO LOSE MY MIND…..I HAVE DISCOVERED WHAT A CONTROL FREAK I AM…..I HAVE SPENT A LIFETIME TRYING TO ‘MAKE THINGS’ HAPPEN……..SOMETIMES THEY DID AND SOMETIMES THEY DIDN’T……AND WHEN THEY DIDN’T I WOULD GET FRUSTRATED AND TRY HARDER…….I WOULD PUSH, SHOVE, GRUNT, STRAIN, AND GENERALLY PUT MAXIMUM EFFORT INTO LIFE TO MAKE SURE THAT ‘MY’ WILL BE DONE…….ABOUT 3 MONTHS INTO THIS SIMPLE REQUEST FROM ANNIE I REALIZED I WAS LIKE A JUNKIE WHO HAD TO LEAVE HIS DRUG OF CHOICE BEHIND……I HAVE DONE WHAT ANNIE REQUESTED AND STOPPED THE PHYSICAL EFFORTS OF ‘MY WILL BE DONE’…BUT THE LAST SEVERAL MONTHS I HAVE REALIZED THAT I HAVE CONTINUED THE MENTAL PRACTICE OF ‘MY WILL BE DONE’ BY THE THINKING THAT IF ONLY I COULD ACT I COULD TO THIS, AND THIS, AND THIS, AND THIS……ETC….I WOULD MENTALLY MOVE MY WORLD AROUND TO HAVE IT FIT ‘MY WILL’………..I WAS GETTING MY ‘CONTROL FIX’ MENTALLY……..SO SEVERAL WEEKS AGO I HAVE BEGUN TRYING TO EVEN LET THE MENTAL ASPECT OF ‘MY WILL BE DONE’ GO ……….AND SIMPLY JUST STALL AND WAIT…..THIS MY FRIENDS HAS BEEN A REAL STRAIN………SUCH A SIMPLE REQUEST BY ANNIE HAS TURNED INTO ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS I HAVE EVER TRIED TO DO….NOTICE I SAID ‘TRIED’ TO DO?…….I CAN’T SAY I HAVE DONE IT YET…BUT I WILL CONTINUE TO ATTEMPT TO JUST STAND TALL AND WAIT……..LAST NIGHT I REALIZED THAT I HAVE HAD TO PUT ALL MY EGGS INTO ANNIE’S BASKET……I NO LONGER CAN COLLECT MY EGGS AND PUT THEM INTO MY OWN BASKET AND ADMIRE WHAT ‘I ‘ HAVE DONE!!!……..MY BASKET IS EMPTY…..COMPLETELY EMPTY……AND THAT SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME…….WHAT IF I HAVE NO MORE EGGS PUT INTO MY BASKET?…….WHAT IF I AM ALONE THE REST OF MY LIFE? WHAT IF I DON’T GET ANY MORE WORKSHOPS? WHAT IF I DON’T GET MY POEMS PUBLISHED? WHAT IF I DON’T LOSE THIS WEIGHT? WHAT IF? WHAT IF? WHAT IF?….I FIND MYSELF ‘WHAT IFF-ING’ ALL THE FRIGGEN TIME….LAST NIGHT AS I WAS ABOUT TO SLEEP ANNIE ASKED ME IF I TRUST IN A HIGHER POWER MORE THAN ME? SHE ASKED ME IF I BELIEVED THAT MY HIGHER POWER HAS ONLY MY BEST INTEREST AT HEART AND LOVES ME MORE THAN I WILL EVER UNDERSTAND? I HAD TO BE HONEST AND SAY “WELL ANNIE….I MUST, AS I AM DOING WHAT YOU HAVE ASKED ME TO DO…BUT I AM SCARED! REALLY SCARED!……ANNIE LAUGHED……..THEN SHE SAID ‘RELAX SKYWALKER AS I HAVE YOU SURROUNDED WITH MY LIGHT, LOVE, AND GIGGLES”…..I SAID ‘THANKS ANNIE, BUT MY BASKET IS EMPTY!”…….ANNIE GIGGLED AGAIN AND SAID ‘LOOK AGAIN SKYWALKER’…….AND BEFORE I WENT OFF TO SLEEP I HEARD ANNIE WHISPER ‘HEY SKYWALKER, WATCH THIS!!!!!”…………..SKYWALKER